"You are the most beautious"

I would like to believe that that was true - that I really could reach my full potential of beauty, especially inner beauty. Right now, I feel as thought the best route would be to stop talking badly about people, because I do it far too often, especially in regard to someone. This weekend, I hurt her feelings, and she called me an ugly bitch. You know what? I don't even disagree - it was an ugly, bitchy action.
For the record, I'm not the only person talking smack, in fact, I've been pretty mild, comparatively. But that doesn't change anything. I don't care about her opinions, beliefs, or struggles, and I have no desire to get to know her as a person. I could say the same thing about a lot of different people.
That's enough about that. Stop me if I start saying something, unless I'm merely reporting a situation.

It's a tough line to walk, the desire to surrender to numbness instead of pain or resentment versus the desire to feel and understand. I'm trying very hard to not be a machine, but I think that's a pretty good analogy for my appearance to the outside world. I'm helpful, intelligent, and elegant. I know this sounds cocky, and it probably is, but I tell myself these things if I feel nervous about anything.
I guess I'm softer around the edges than that, but sometimes I don't feel that way. Sometimes I like to think I'm intimidating, but I'm not sure if that's really true. I think it depends on the situation. You can share your opinion, of course, even if you're like, "Jenni, you're a Disney Princess. Not scary." I won't be offended, I promise =P
I don't know how religious you are, but if so, would you please keep my friend Bree in your prayers? She was diagnosed with leukemia a few months ago and she really needs to find a marrow match to get better - she is struggling. She's 18, by the way, and absolutely wonderful. So, if you would keep that in mind, I appreciate it very, very much - thank you.
Time for bed.

Labels for this post: sleek, torn, prayer