What have we got here?
I'd really like to hear someone say that someday. Actually, maybe not, I might be afraid for my life and/or sanity if it really did happen.
Autosave just failed. Bitches.
Anyway, I think that although I absolutely love Allyson, Jackie, Alexis, and J (and sometimes Kyle) I'm imposing on them way too much, and making it awkward for everyone involved, definitely not a good thing. So, a lot fewer weekovers. I need to get to know my real roommates better!
See, that is the problem. I can't really examine the situation at all from an objective perspective.
Goodness, where did the time go? I really think it's time for bed, poor Dr. Hebert, I will hardly be able to function tomorrow morning.
Maybe I will leave a little earlier, so I can go see the Farmer's Market by the Train Station. It's a lovely thing when you can catch it. Also, I will probably see a cat, and they are cute.
This is terribly mundane. I wish I could find some creativity somewhere. I'm saving it, actually, for my fiction writing class. I'll really need it, I'm writing a children's book. For class. I don't know about for REAL.
Gosh. I am so glad my 'college experiences' have been as they were. I know myself really well now, and I know not really what I want, but what I don't want. I don't want a boyfriend. I think they are overrated, because they are a form of resolution, which is also overrated.
There is only one person I can think of with whom I would be happy. He actually said to me the other day, "I always told myself that when you and Maurice broke up, I would drop whatever I was doing and come running to you". And of course, he didn't. Because I don't want it to be like that. He deserves someone a lot more healthy than I am. I have no idea of whether we'll be together, ever. But I am so convinced that we would be happy together.
I can't even begin to contemplate another relationship. Not a serious one. But I am aware of that fact, for a certainty.
Whatever happens. I will try within my ability to ensure that I choose a path that I believe will lead to my own happiness with myself. That is the first obstacle. I want to be comfortable with me, to love myself. Then, perhaps, I can appreciate love and its all-encompassing facets and give it to another person. This is a lofty goal, and a very long process. But how could it not be worth it?
Labels for this post: weekovers, unrequited?, superficial
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Fun with distractions
I'm doing this survey so Allyson won't look lame.
Oh, too late!
Just kidding!!!!! =P
What color is your underwear? Black, with more black.
What's on your mind? Boats and hos
What are you doing right now? Avoiding Choral Conducting. I am so afraid of it.
Who is your best friend? Maurice. Well, he was.
Have you done something bad today? Is this like roleplay or something? "Officer, I have been a very bad girl, I need a spanking" etc
Do you watch Disney channel? Only when they show extended versions of the Harry Potter movies.
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Lindsey Michelle
Are you jealous of someone right now? Yes, but I don't think it's petty, unlike most other forms of jealousy
What makes you mad most of the time? Mostly things that are not worth it. Two-faced people, for example.
Do you bite your nails? Yeah, since I was born. Sometimes I can quit for a month and I have nails, then I get really nervous and bite them off again.
Do you want to see someone this very moment? Only if things were different.
Are you keeping a big secret right now? I guess, a lot of people confide in me, so, sure. It's not like I'm going to tell anybody anything.
Do you have a friend you don’t actually like? I guess I could say that I have friends who irk me sometimes, but not someone I dislike
Does anyone like you? Yes, a lot of good people, and I'm really happy to be able to say that with complete confidence
Can you blow a bubble? A spit bubble, very occasionally. A bubblegum bubble, yes
Can you dance? I like to think that I have a natural elegance to my presence, and I can move gracefully. I'm pretty much counting on these things for my Disney audition.
Can you do a cart wheel? Yes actually! I like them.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? I've only done it once. I don't think it's an indication of kissing, though, because I had to use my teeth, and biting is just weird.
Can you touch your toes? Maybe? I haven't tried in a while.
Can you whistle? Not well. My lips get in the way, and I suck at playing the flute for the same reason.
Can you wiggle your ears? No.
Can you wiggle your nose? Like Bewitched? No.
Can you roll your tongue? Yep
Can you make a clover with your tongue? No, but I think it's really cool that it's genetic!
Anger
What do you do when you’re mad? I clam up if I'm around people, and if I can, I leave.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? SIKE
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? I don't think so, I'm usually the one crying in the scenario.
Do you swear when you’re mad? It really depends. Actually, no, but if someone swears at me, I get even more pissed.
Tears
Ever really cried your heart out? Yeah, most people do.
Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yep
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder? Yes
Ever cried over someone of the same sex? Not in a romantic way. But yes.
Do you cry when you get an injury? My eyes tear up, but it's not really the same thing.
Do certain songs make you cry? Yes, sometimes if I listen to "Clair de Lune" and I haven't seen my dad in a while, I get teary. He plays it at home, when I'm reading up in my room.
Do certain movies make you cry? Yes. For some reason, I can hold myself together when I talk about my recent heart-wrenching experiences. But movies really get to me, in stupid excess.
Happiness
Are you usually a happy person? Yes, usually.
What makes you the happiest? Spiritual peace, musical asphyxiation, reading a really good book.
Does being with your friends make you happy? Very much so! :)
Do you believe in yourself? In some ways, yes. I'm going to be a good teacher. I believe that. I don't always believe in my musical ability, or my physical appearance. Guys have it so much easier, it's unfair.
Do you wish you were happier? Yes, but not in a quick fix kind of way. I really believe that suffering is a necessary part of life.
Is being happy overrated? Only when you're using drugs and/or alcohol to achieve it.
Can music make you happy? It always makes me feel better. Eric Whitacre's "When David Heard" sweeps me away, it's like being in the ocean.
Love
How many times have you had your heart broken? Twice
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them? Yes
Has anyone besides your friends/family ever said ‘I love you’? Yes, fortunately
Do you actually hate anyone? That's a tough question. There's only one person, my aunt (she's not related to me biologically) and she is a horrible person. I mean, she's torn apart my cousin's life time and again, and it pisses me off.
Ever made a hit list? No.
Have you ever been on a hit list? Dude, who would want to kill me?
Are you a mean bully? As opposed to a nice bully? No. But I do talk a lot about other people, usually in derogatory ways. I really should stop, someone punch me the next time I open my mouth.
Do you hate George Bush? No, and I'm a liberal. But I think that this is really stupid anyway.
Self-esteem
Is your self-esteem extremely low? No, I feel prettier than I used to. I don't really know why.
Are you good-looking? I think so. A little girl at Ross called me "Sleeping Beauty", if that's any indication.
Do you wish you could be someone else? No. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
What is your current hair color? Blonde or something
Current piercings? Ears
Have any tattoos? Nope.
Straight hair or curly? Wannabe curly
What shirt are you wearing? A brown sleeveless top and a pink sweater. I was pretty boring in the fashion world today.
Shoes? Brown pointy toe flats
Necklace? None
Have you ever...
Hugged someone? Many times
Been on the phone until the sun came up? Not quite.
Laughed so hard you cried? All the time
Got in a fight with someone? Not a serious physical fight, and verbally, yes of course
Been on a plane? Several times, several planes too
Been asked out by someone? A lot
Been to the ocean? Also a lot! I really want to see the Pacific.
Painted your nails? Duh
Last...
Person you talked to in person? Samantha Jean
Person you talked to online? Nick Bailey
Person you talked to on the phone? Lindsey Michelle...we went over this.
Person you hugged? I don't remember, lots of my sisters :)
Person you kissed? I think I kissed Jackie on the cheek on Friday night
Person you hung out with? SAI
Thing someone said to you? "We need more brownies, frittatas and Jim Halpert in our lives. YUM." Ashley le Magnifique
Time you slept in all morning? Seriously, I don't know. Even if I go to bed really late, I wake up. I sleep, but I don't rest, and I can't remember my dreams, just that they keep my mind wakeful.
Thing you said out loud: No clue
Restaurant you ate at: SHEETZ!!
Thing you had to drink: Herbal Lemon tea! It was very relaxing.
Movie you watched: The Da Vinci Code...Da Vinci should be a recognized word, stupid ass spell check mofos.
Person you took pictures of: SAI! Geez.
Do you like surveys? Yes actually. I'm not really sure why, I think they help me streamline my brain.
Do you get along with your parent(s)? Yes, they are wonderful people and have the best relationship I have ever witnessed. Basically, my dad dotes on my mom, and my mom is hilarious and lovely.
Do you have mental breakdowns? Rarely, I finally snapped the last day of finals. It was frightening.
The Present
Current mood: Ubiquitous
Current music: OK Computer by Radiohead
Current hair style: It's messy and wavy, as usual. But I like it this way, it's more my personality.
Current thing I ought to be doing: My 2 pattern...argh!
Current windows open: /ERROR
Current desktop picture: "Starry Night" by Vincent van Gogh
Current book: Technically "Pride & Prejudice" by Jane Austen. It's taking me forever to read it, though. Sigh. That is probably the one thing I loathe about school: no time for reading non-school related books.
Did you ever...
Get into a fist fight in school? Nope.
Run away from home? Yeah, I totally tried. When I was like, seven.
Want to be a doctor? Never
Want to be a fire fighter? No.
Do you...
Know how to swim? Somewhat. I really enjoy swimming, I'm just not learned in the strokes.
Like roller coasters? They're great! I'm totally not afraid of dying on them. But I am totally afraid of zombie apocalypse.
Own a bike? No, I never learned to ride one, actually.
Think you could eat the stuff on those reality shows? No, I couldn't eat bugs or snakes
Does...
Hair loss run in your family at all? It's pretty gradual
Your car get good gas mileage? I don't have one, so yeah, excellent!
Your family have family picnics? No, but we have parties with too many cakes about 4 times a year.
How...
Old are you? 20.
Tall are you? 5'7 ish
Much money do you have on you right now? On my person? Like I'm going to tell you.
What...
Are you listening to? I just told you that.
Is the weather outside? BZZT. What is wintry mix laterrrrr
Radio station do you listen to? When I go home, I listen to a lot of different ones.
Labels for this post: survey, census, creepy
Oh, too late!
Just kidding!!!!! =P
What color is your underwear? Black, with more black.
What's on your mind? Boats and hos
What are you doing right now? Avoiding Choral Conducting. I am so afraid of it.
Who is your best friend? Maurice. Well, he was.
Have you done something bad today? Is this like roleplay or something? "Officer, I have been a very bad girl, I need a spanking" etc
Do you watch Disney channel? Only when they show extended versions of the Harry Potter movies.
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Lindsey Michelle
Are you jealous of someone right now? Yes, but I don't think it's petty, unlike most other forms of jealousy
What makes you mad most of the time? Mostly things that are not worth it. Two-faced people, for example.
Do you bite your nails? Yeah, since I was born. Sometimes I can quit for a month and I have nails, then I get really nervous and bite them off again.
Do you want to see someone this very moment? Only if things were different.
Are you keeping a big secret right now? I guess, a lot of people confide in me, so, sure. It's not like I'm going to tell anybody anything.
Do you have a friend you don’t actually like? I guess I could say that I have friends who irk me sometimes, but not someone I dislike
Does anyone like you? Yes, a lot of good people, and I'm really happy to be able to say that with complete confidence
Can you blow a bubble? A spit bubble, very occasionally. A bubblegum bubble, yes
Can you dance? I like to think that I have a natural elegance to my presence, and I can move gracefully. I'm pretty much counting on these things for my Disney audition.
Can you do a cart wheel? Yes actually! I like them.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? I've only done it once. I don't think it's an indication of kissing, though, because I had to use my teeth, and biting is just weird.
Can you touch your toes? Maybe? I haven't tried in a while.
Can you whistle? Not well. My lips get in the way, and I suck at playing the flute for the same reason.
Can you wiggle your ears? No.
Can you wiggle your nose? Like Bewitched? No.
Can you roll your tongue? Yep
Can you make a clover with your tongue? No, but I think it's really cool that it's genetic!
Anger
What do you do when you’re mad? I clam up if I'm around people, and if I can, I leave.
What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad? SIKE
Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? I don't think so, I'm usually the one crying in the scenario.
Do you swear when you’re mad? It really depends. Actually, no, but if someone swears at me, I get even more pissed.
Tears
Ever really cried your heart out? Yeah, most people do.
Ever cried yourself to sleep? Yep
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder? Yes
Ever cried over someone of the same sex? Not in a romantic way. But yes.
Do you cry when you get an injury? My eyes tear up, but it's not really the same thing.
Do certain songs make you cry? Yes, sometimes if I listen to "Clair de Lune" and I haven't seen my dad in a while, I get teary. He plays it at home, when I'm reading up in my room.
Do certain movies make you cry? Yes. For some reason, I can hold myself together when I talk about my recent heart-wrenching experiences. But movies really get to me, in stupid excess.
Happiness
Are you usually a happy person? Yes, usually.
What makes you the happiest? Spiritual peace, musical asphyxiation, reading a really good book.
Does being with your friends make you happy? Very much so! :)
Do you believe in yourself? In some ways, yes. I'm going to be a good teacher. I believe that. I don't always believe in my musical ability, or my physical appearance. Guys have it so much easier, it's unfair.
Do you wish you were happier? Yes, but not in a quick fix kind of way. I really believe that suffering is a necessary part of life.
Is being happy overrated? Only when you're using drugs and/or alcohol to achieve it.
Can music make you happy? It always makes me feel better. Eric Whitacre's "When David Heard" sweeps me away, it's like being in the ocean.
Love
How many times have you had your heart broken? Twice
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them? Yes
Has anyone besides your friends/family ever said ‘I love you’? Yes, fortunately
Do you actually hate anyone? That's a tough question. There's only one person, my aunt (she's not related to me biologically) and she is a horrible person. I mean, she's torn apart my cousin's life time and again, and it pisses me off.
Ever made a hit list? No.
Have you ever been on a hit list? Dude, who would want to kill me?
Are you a mean bully? As opposed to a nice bully? No. But I do talk a lot about other people, usually in derogatory ways. I really should stop, someone punch me the next time I open my mouth.
Do you hate George Bush? No, and I'm a liberal. But I think that this is really stupid anyway.
Self-esteem
Is your self-esteem extremely low? No, I feel prettier than I used to. I don't really know why.
Are you good-looking? I think so. A little girl at Ross called me "Sleeping Beauty", if that's any indication.
Do you wish you could be someone else? No. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
What is your current hair color? Blonde or something
Current piercings? Ears
Have any tattoos? Nope.
Straight hair or curly? Wannabe curly
What shirt are you wearing? A brown sleeveless top and a pink sweater. I was pretty boring in the fashion world today.
Shoes? Brown pointy toe flats
Necklace? None
Have you ever...
Hugged someone? Many times
Been on the phone until the sun came up? Not quite.
Laughed so hard you cried? All the time
Got in a fight with someone? Not a serious physical fight, and verbally, yes of course
Been on a plane? Several times, several planes too
Been asked out by someone? A lot
Been to the ocean? Also a lot! I really want to see the Pacific.
Painted your nails? Duh
Last...
Person you talked to in person? Samantha Jean
Person you talked to online? Nick Bailey
Person you talked to on the phone? Lindsey Michelle...we went over this.
Person you hugged? I don't remember, lots of my sisters :)
Person you kissed? I think I kissed Jackie on the cheek on Friday night
Person you hung out with? SAI
Thing someone said to you? "We need more brownies, frittatas and Jim Halpert in our lives. YUM." Ashley le Magnifique
Time you slept in all morning? Seriously, I don't know. Even if I go to bed really late, I wake up. I sleep, but I don't rest, and I can't remember my dreams, just that they keep my mind wakeful.
Thing you said out loud: No clue
Restaurant you ate at: SHEETZ!!
Thing you had to drink: Herbal Lemon tea! It was very relaxing.
Movie you watched: The Da Vinci Code...Da Vinci should be a recognized word, stupid ass spell check mofos.
Person you took pictures of: SAI! Geez.
Do you like surveys? Yes actually. I'm not really sure why, I think they help me streamline my brain.
Do you get along with your parent(s)? Yes, they are wonderful people and have the best relationship I have ever witnessed. Basically, my dad dotes on my mom, and my mom is hilarious and lovely.
Do you have mental breakdowns? Rarely, I finally snapped the last day of finals. It was frightening.
The Present
Current mood: Ubiquitous
Current music: OK Computer by Radiohead
Current hair style: It's messy and wavy, as usual. But I like it this way, it's more my personality.
Current thing I ought to be doing: My 2 pattern...argh!
Current windows open: /ERROR
Current desktop picture: "Starry Night" by Vincent van Gogh
Current book: Technically "Pride & Prejudice" by Jane Austen. It's taking me forever to read it, though. Sigh. That is probably the one thing I loathe about school: no time for reading non-school related books.
Did you ever...
Get into a fist fight in school? Nope.
Run away from home? Yeah, I totally tried. When I was like, seven.
Want to be a doctor? Never
Want to be a fire fighter? No.
Do you...
Know how to swim? Somewhat. I really enjoy swimming, I'm just not learned in the strokes.
Like roller coasters? They're great! I'm totally not afraid of dying on them. But I am totally afraid of zombie apocalypse.
Own a bike? No, I never learned to ride one, actually.
Think you could eat the stuff on those reality shows? No, I couldn't eat bugs or snakes
Does...
Hair loss run in your family at all? It's pretty gradual
Your car get good gas mileage? I don't have one, so yeah, excellent!
Your family have family picnics? No, but we have parties with too many cakes about 4 times a year.
How...
Old are you? 20.
Tall are you? 5'7 ish
Much money do you have on you right now? On my person? Like I'm going to tell you.
What...
Are you listening to? I just told you that.
Is the weather outside? BZZT. What is wintry mix laterrrrr
Radio station do you listen to? When I go home, I listen to a lot of different ones.
Labels for this post: survey, census, creepy
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Poisonous
If there is anything I really and truly despise about people, it is how they lie to you about important things.
Also, I hate losing anybody, ever. And it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done, is send this note to Maurice via Facebook.
"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it." -Wuthering Heights
I can't be your friend anymore.
I'm sorry. But by continuing to talk to you, it only feeds this addiction I have to past feelings. So please, don't go to my party next weekend. I don't want to see you (more like I can't), and furthermore, I really cannot stand seeing you with her. It's not that I hate either of you, it is simply too painful.
Regarding what I told you last night. I feel in my heart (so cheesy) that this isn't over, while at the same time I feel that it's not for now. Maybe we will be together someday. Far into the future, when we've both had time to grow up in our different ways.
I'm still really sorry for everything I ever said or did that caused you pain or trouble or anger or love. I still miss you, a lot, and I'll always think of you as my best friend, as the only person in the world who knows me completely and still accepts me despite my many shortcomings, who can anticipate all my reactions and always knows the better route for me, even if I refuse to see it. And I'm sorry, so sorry. Every fiber of my being is wretched with apology.
I care about you, so deeply. I'm only writing so much because I'm not going to talk to you again for a long time, and I am a jabba jabba.
Thank you, for invaluable memories, among other things.
Be happy.
Even though it was really hard to send that note, I think it would be even harder to send a note to Amanda detailing exactly what a whore she is. Something to that effect, something so rude it doesn't even resemble truth. It's this terrible, heavy feeling, like hot bricks. It's not even the same as heartbreak or loneliness. I guess it's a lot easier to be angry, but I really hate being angry, it goes against my nature. Believe me, I am very patient and understanding. Honestly, I want him to be happy. Absolutely and without question: he's my very best friend.
I don't mean to take advantage of all the kindness bestowed upon me by my friends, because they're really wonderful, and I have some very happy adventures with them. They all make me laugh and they laugh at my terrible jokes and awkward stories and appreciate music and wow, they are awesome to the nth power. I don't even know what that means in mathematics.
I sort of feel like I'm going to throw up. Not a good health day, exactly.
Feel free to call me and distract me and pull me into harebrained schemes.
Labels for this post: bitches, ain't, shit.
Also, I hate losing anybody, ever. And it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done, is send this note to Maurice via Facebook.
"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it." -Wuthering Heights
I can't be your friend anymore.
I'm sorry. But by continuing to talk to you, it only feeds this addiction I have to past feelings. So please, don't go to my party next weekend. I don't want to see you (more like I can't), and furthermore, I really cannot stand seeing you with her. It's not that I hate either of you, it is simply too painful.
Regarding what I told you last night. I feel in my heart (so cheesy) that this isn't over, while at the same time I feel that it's not for now. Maybe we will be together someday. Far into the future, when we've both had time to grow up in our different ways.
I'm still really sorry for everything I ever said or did that caused you pain or trouble or anger or love. I still miss you, a lot, and I'll always think of you as my best friend, as the only person in the world who knows me completely and still accepts me despite my many shortcomings, who can anticipate all my reactions and always knows the better route for me, even if I refuse to see it. And I'm sorry, so sorry. Every fiber of my being is wretched with apology.
I care about you, so deeply. I'm only writing so much because I'm not going to talk to you again for a long time, and I am a jabba jabba.
Thank you, for invaluable memories, among other things.
Be happy.
Even though it was really hard to send that note, I think it would be even harder to send a note to Amanda detailing exactly what a whore she is. Something to that effect, something so rude it doesn't even resemble truth. It's this terrible, heavy feeling, like hot bricks. It's not even the same as heartbreak or loneliness. I guess it's a lot easier to be angry, but I really hate being angry, it goes against my nature. Believe me, I am very patient and understanding. Honestly, I want him to be happy. Absolutely and without question: he's my very best friend.
I don't mean to take advantage of all the kindness bestowed upon me by my friends, because they're really wonderful, and I have some very happy adventures with them. They all make me laugh and they laugh at my terrible jokes and awkward stories and appreciate music and wow, they are awesome to the nth power. I don't even know what that means in mathematics.
I sort of feel like I'm going to throw up. Not a good health day, exactly.
Feel free to call me and distract me and pull me into harebrained schemes.
Labels for this post: bitches, ain't, shit.
Monday, January 19, 2009
It becomes habit
Liz Gilbert's Yogi says that being sad, crying, or despairing over things becomes a habit, and it's important to rise up from it, and not succumb to it every time. That really helps me out, it keeps me calm.
So does Dispatch. Does anyone have any of their albums, by chance?
I have had a good weekend. I'm deciding to enjoy it. If you make up your mind to enjoy something, it's hard not to find something in it that you can enjoy. I guess that's optimistic to the point of foolishness, but I'd rather be hopeful than depressed.
I still haven't finished Pride and Prejudice. And I really want to. It's predictable, but it's also a challenge. Elizabeth Bennet is a BAMF.
Speaking of BAMFs...
I have really wonderful friends. Have I ever mentioned this? Because I'm unbelievably lucky to have them, and I love them very much. I'm surprised that they're okay with spending so much time with me, especially because they always pick me up from across town...like I said, amazing.
I made up a new game. It's called Frisbee Chip. Maybe we can play it sometime.
You all should download the album Stadium Arcadium by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It is brilliant.
So does Dispatch. Does anyone have any of their albums, by chance?
I have had a good weekend. I'm deciding to enjoy it. If you make up your mind to enjoy something, it's hard not to find something in it that you can enjoy. I guess that's optimistic to the point of foolishness, but I'd rather be hopeful than depressed.
I still haven't finished Pride and Prejudice. And I really want to. It's predictable, but it's also a challenge. Elizabeth Bennet is a BAMF.
Speaking of BAMFs...
I have really wonderful friends. Have I ever mentioned this? Because I'm unbelievably lucky to have them, and I love them very much. I'm surprised that they're okay with spending so much time with me, especially because they always pick me up from across town...like I said, amazing.
I made up a new game. It's called Frisbee Chip. Maybe we can play it sometime.
You all should download the album Stadium Arcadium by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It is brilliant.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
You know what?
You know what?
It's really going to be okay. Maybe not for a while. And maybe I'll wonder what would have happened if I married Maurice and had two children, Olivia Jane and Jonathan Mars. Yes, I suppose I will.
Maybe I will find out, eventually. The American Dream, right there. Well, you should read "Death of a Salesman" even though it's a little strange to read plays. It's quite brilliant.
I also really like Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead. AP Lit was just great, except for "The Invisible Man" because I was just too stupid to read it. Seriously. I did not understand the references used (to put it mildly).
I'm freaking in a weird ass mood right now. I'm just pretty much typing what I think. I'm not sure if I should publicly announce the reason why. Suffice it to say that I'm pretty ridiculous. Even more so than usual! That is pretty easy to achieve, if I can get excited I tend to freakkkkkkk out.
I hate spell check. Spell check is only my friend with the word "judgment". It's easily the stupidest word in the English language, by the way. The spelling doesn't really make sense, and probably trips up poor little seventh graders during their spelling bee. I got out on "molecule" because I'm an idiot or something, I'm not sure why.
Let's play a game.
Go to a pool, with your clothes + swimsuit on.
Now, go to the shallow end.
Attempt to get into the water via the steps WITHOUT getting your clothes wet. You can't take them off, though. I'll know, and you do NOT want me to find out. It may require being creative on how you roll your clothing.
However many steps you get means however many thousand years you have to wander the earth before you can go to Heaven, or wherever we go when we die. I firmly believe it's Heaven, though.
Dang, that sounded really Catholic of me. I better get me to that there Baptist Evangelicals!
I love "The Office". I miss Office marathons with Ashley. She doesn't even know I have a blog, nor that I'm writing about her. I wonder how many people are totally unaware of this fact.
I have to be at work in 8 hours.
Good night, good people of the faith.
Labels for this post: blah, blah, and blah. Just take it.
It's really going to be okay. Maybe not for a while. And maybe I'll wonder what would have happened if I married Maurice and had two children, Olivia Jane and Jonathan Mars. Yes, I suppose I will.
Maybe I will find out, eventually. The American Dream, right there. Well, you should read "Death of a Salesman" even though it's a little strange to read plays. It's quite brilliant.
I also really like Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead. AP Lit was just great, except for "The Invisible Man" because I was just too stupid to read it. Seriously. I did not understand the references used (to put it mildly).
I'm freaking in a weird ass mood right now. I'm just pretty much typing what I think. I'm not sure if I should publicly announce the reason why. Suffice it to say that I'm pretty ridiculous. Even more so than usual! That is pretty easy to achieve, if I can get excited I tend to freakkkkkkk out.
I hate spell check. Spell check is only my friend with the word "judgment". It's easily the stupidest word in the English language, by the way. The spelling doesn't really make sense, and probably trips up poor little seventh graders during their spelling bee. I got out on "molecule" because I'm an idiot or something, I'm not sure why.
Let's play a game.
Go to a pool, with your clothes + swimsuit on.
Now, go to the shallow end.
Attempt to get into the water via the steps WITHOUT getting your clothes wet. You can't take them off, though. I'll know, and you do NOT want me to find out. It may require being creative on how you roll your clothing.
However many steps you get means however many thousand years you have to wander the earth before you can go to Heaven, or wherever we go when we die. I firmly believe it's Heaven, though.
Dang, that sounded really Catholic of me. I better get me to that there Baptist Evangelicals!
I love "The Office". I miss Office marathons with Ashley. She doesn't even know I have a blog, nor that I'm writing about her. I wonder how many people are totally unaware of this fact.
I have to be at work in 8 hours.
Good night, good people of the faith.
Labels for this post: blah, blah, and blah. Just take it.
I just don't know
I'm really lucky to have some amazing friends, both at Longwood and at home.
I feel mundane today, so that's what you get. Well, I never feel mundane, but you need to know the public story more than you need to know the truth.
I've had a really hard last couple of days. There were some really fun times, and I appreciate those with all my conscious thought.
I started working on my new Purcell pieces. That man was a sublime composer, most especially "When I am Laid in Earth" from Dido and Aeneas. If there is ever anything that can speak so clearly to the soul as music, it is found within that aria. When I listen to it, I feel like time is suspended, like it stops in respectful observation. It's rare for me to find music in which I am completely washed away. Not that music doesn't affect me, because I thrive on it, but that seldom happens. I remember one time during my very first studio class, Tiffany Graves sang "Were you there?" and I cried, literally wept. I never, ever cry in front of anyone, but for that time, we were in suspended animation, and it didn't matter.
I hope I impart that on someone. Someday.
Labels for this post: friends, Purcell, suspension.
I feel mundane today, so that's what you get. Well, I never feel mundane, but you need to know the public story more than you need to know the truth.
I've had a really hard last couple of days. There were some really fun times, and I appreciate those with all my conscious thought.
I started working on my new Purcell pieces. That man was a sublime composer, most especially "When I am Laid in Earth" from Dido and Aeneas. If there is ever anything that can speak so clearly to the soul as music, it is found within that aria. When I listen to it, I feel like time is suspended, like it stops in respectful observation. It's rare for me to find music in which I am completely washed away. Not that music doesn't affect me, because I thrive on it, but that seldom happens. I remember one time during my very first studio class, Tiffany Graves sang "Were you there?" and I cried, literally wept. I never, ever cry in front of anyone, but for that time, we were in suspended animation, and it didn't matter.
I hope I impart that on someone. Someday.
Labels for this post: friends, Purcell, suspension.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A good day
I have had a most excellent day today, although I didn't have any tea, but I'm waiting to buy some for an excuse to possibly purchase a new book to read, yet again. I can feel another onset of instant gratification American-style. At least this one will increase my intellectual horizon.
I talked to someone today. Someone I've been waiting to speak to for the entire winter break. It's weird at the same time, because (pardon my language) I'm physically attracted to him, and I haven't allowed myself to feel this way in more than a month. All he has to do is look at my mouth, or subtly rove his gaze over my collarbone, and I am so melted. I think that it's fresh, so it's hard to control, and I tend to be really excitable. I was skipping down the hall today after we talked, and I didn't even care who saw me.
It feels good.
And I know that this is better for me. I can just feel it, that even though sometimes I can barely breathe because something will remind me of the past and crush my lungs, this is something that has actually helped convince me that this is a better road. I don't want to use the word "right".
Only God knows that, and I'm not about to guess. Look where that got me!
But seriously. I feel good, uplifted, and kinda hot.
Labels for this post: chemistry, horizon, lip gloss.
I talked to someone today. Someone I've been waiting to speak to for the entire winter break. It's weird at the same time, because (pardon my language) I'm physically attracted to him, and I haven't allowed myself to feel this way in more than a month. All he has to do is look at my mouth, or subtly rove his gaze over my collarbone, and I am so melted. I think that it's fresh, so it's hard to control, and I tend to be really excitable. I was skipping down the hall today after we talked, and I didn't even care who saw me.
It feels good.
And I know that this is better for me. I can just feel it, that even though sometimes I can barely breathe because something will remind me of the past and crush my lungs, this is something that has actually helped convince me that this is a better road. I don't want to use the word "right".
Only God knows that, and I'm not about to guess. Look where that got me!
But seriously. I feel good, uplifted, and kinda hot.
Labels for this post: chemistry, horizon, lip gloss.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
You won't know the difference
You should do this too! It's fun to talk about yourself.
100 Truths. After you've filled this out, tag 10 people and have them do the same. include the person that tagged you.
Last beverage → Water
Last phone call → Mom
Last instant message → No idea
Last song you listened to → "The General" by Dispatch
Last time you cried → Yesterday (my grandmother had a heart attack, and I was really scared)
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice → Technically, yes
Been cheated on → Not to my knowledge, I date nice guys
Kissed someone & regretted it → Yes
Lost someone special→ Most people have by their 21st year of life
IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Fallen out of love → Trying
Laughed until you cried → Always!
Met someone who changed your life → No, but I wish I could say differently. After all, not everything is romantic, right? It might be very informative.
Found out someone was talking about you → Well, I got that impression. I don't care, I know it's irrelevant and untrue.
Have you kissed anyone on your top friends? → MYSPACE
How many ppl on your top friends do you know in real life? → MY SPACE!!!!
How many kids do you want to have → I'm not sure. My life plan has changed drastically in the past month. I've always wanted children, and now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can have children without a husband. Probably 2 at most, though.
Do you have any pets → I have a strange feline who resides at my house
Do you want to change your name → Nope!
What time did you wake up today → 8:45
What were you doing at midnight last night → Chatting with Ashley =)
Name something you CANNOT wait for → Party tonight!!!
Last time you saw your father→ This morning, he came into my room to say goodbye to me
What's one thing you wish you could change → The lack of Jim Halpert in my life. That needs to change, like, right now.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Yeah, that's a very popular name in my family
What's getting on your nerves right now → I haven't been feeling that great lately, and I'm going to try to change that.
What's your real name → Jennifer Elaine Schweitzer
Relationship Status → Single, but I'm not looking. I'm ridiculously picky.
Zodiac sign → Aquarius, Water Bearer...which is an Air sign, by the way. Isn't that just backasswards than what you always thought?!
Elementary/primary School → Cool Spring Penguins REPRESENT
Middle/secondary School → Harper Park Middle School, J.L. Simpson Middle School
High School → Heritage High School
Hair color → For all intents and purposes, blonde
Long or short → It's long for me, but I'm going to keep it long. It's more suited to my overall look.
Are you a health freak → No, but I am conscientious, especially after seeing my grandmother. She's actually fit, she's 81 years old, but she travels all over the world and she exercises four times a week. So, really, it pays to be careful.
Righty or lefty → Right (this is the part of the program where Ryan says, "Dexter" because she's a show off =P)
FIRSTS:
First surgery → Wisdom teeth, I think
First piercing → Ears
First best friend → Caitlin
First sport you joined → Swimming, I guess, I'm not a team sort of person
First pet → Dirt (a cat) and yes, that was his real name
First vacation → Somewhere in the northeast or Canada
First real crush → Oh dang, I have no idea! I wonder how many people know the answer to this question.
CURRENTLY :
Eating → Not hungry
Drinking → Later
Waiting → To take a shower
YOUR FUTURE :
Want to get married?→ I really have no idea. Only if I meet someone and I am absolutely certain, without a doubt, that he'll adore me always and put up with my insecurities and idiosyncrasies. I see that in my parents, but rarely in other people.
Careers in mind? → Music educator...and Disney Princess
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger → No, that is a very bad idea
Drank hard liquor → Yeah, I've tried it
Lost glasses/contacts → 20/20
Ran away from home → Hahah, I used to run away all the time when I was little
Broken someone's heart → Unfortunately, yes, and I am so completely sorry
Been arrested → No, I'm kind of boring
Turned someone down → Yes
Cried when someone died → Well, yeah! Sheesh.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself → Yes. Very much so.
Miracles → Oh, yes
Love at first sight → I'm not sure, but I doubt it
Heaven → Yes, always
Santa Claus → Hah, no
Kiss on the first date → If I'm interested in a second date, why not?
Angels → Yes, but I'm not quite sure how I imagine them. Let me ponder that.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Actually, I want to be with a lot of my friends, rather than just one. But I am interested in a certain person.
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → Never
Do you believe in God? → Yes
Labels for this post: survey, angels, ego.
100 Truths. After you've filled this out, tag 10 people and have them do the same. include the person that tagged you.
Last beverage → Water
Last phone call → Mom
Last instant message → No idea
Last song you listened to → "The General" by Dispatch
Last time you cried → Yesterday (my grandmother had a heart attack, and I was really scared)
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice → Technically, yes
Been cheated on → Not to my knowledge, I date nice guys
Kissed someone & regretted it → Yes
Lost someone special→ Most people have by their 21st year of life
IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Fallen out of love → Trying
Laughed until you cried → Always!
Met someone who changed your life → No, but I wish I could say differently. After all, not everything is romantic, right? It might be very informative.
Found out someone was talking about you → Well, I got that impression. I don't care, I know it's irrelevant and untrue.
Have you kissed anyone on your top friends? → MYSPACE
How many ppl on your top friends do you know in real life? → MY SPACE!!!!
How many kids do you want to have → I'm not sure. My life plan has changed drastically in the past month. I've always wanted children, and now I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can have children without a husband. Probably 2 at most, though.
Do you have any pets → I have a strange feline who resides at my house
Do you want to change your name → Nope!
What time did you wake up today → 8:45
What were you doing at midnight last night → Chatting with Ashley =)
Name something you CANNOT wait for → Party tonight!!!
Last time you saw your father→ This morning, he came into my room to say goodbye to me
What's one thing you wish you could change → The lack of Jim Halpert in my life. That needs to change, like, right now.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Yeah, that's a very popular name in my family
What's getting on your nerves right now → I haven't been feeling that great lately, and I'm going to try to change that.
What's your real name → Jennifer Elaine Schweitzer
Relationship Status → Single, but I'm not looking. I'm ridiculously picky.
Zodiac sign → Aquarius, Water Bearer...which is an Air sign, by the way. Isn't that just backasswards than what you always thought?!
Elementary/primary School → Cool Spring Penguins REPRESENT
Middle/secondary School → Harper Park Middle School, J.L. Simpson Middle School
High School → Heritage High School
Hair color → For all intents and purposes, blonde
Long or short → It's long for me, but I'm going to keep it long. It's more suited to my overall look.
Are you a health freak → No, but I am conscientious, especially after seeing my grandmother. She's actually fit, she's 81 years old, but she travels all over the world and she exercises four times a week. So, really, it pays to be careful.
Righty or lefty → Right (this is the part of the program where Ryan says, "Dexter" because she's a show off =P)
FIRSTS:
First surgery → Wisdom teeth, I think
First piercing → Ears
First best friend → Caitlin
First sport you joined → Swimming, I guess, I'm not a team sort of person
First pet → Dirt (a cat) and yes, that was his real name
First vacation → Somewhere in the northeast or Canada
First real crush → Oh dang, I have no idea! I wonder how many people know the answer to this question.
CURRENTLY :
Eating → Not hungry
Drinking → Later
Waiting → To take a shower
YOUR FUTURE :
Want to get married?→ I really have no idea. Only if I meet someone and I am absolutely certain, without a doubt, that he'll adore me always and put up with my insecurities and idiosyncrasies. I see that in my parents, but rarely in other people.
Careers in mind? → Music educator...and Disney Princess
HAVE YOU EVER:
Kissed a stranger → No, that is a very bad idea
Drank hard liquor → Yeah, I've tried it
Lost glasses/contacts → 20/20
Ran away from home → Hahah, I used to run away all the time when I was little
Broken someone's heart → Unfortunately, yes, and I am so completely sorry
Been arrested → No, I'm kind of boring
Turned someone down → Yes
Cried when someone died → Well, yeah! Sheesh.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself → Yes. Very much so.
Miracles → Oh, yes
Love at first sight → I'm not sure, but I doubt it
Heaven → Yes, always
Santa Claus → Hah, no
Kiss on the first date → If I'm interested in a second date, why not?
Angels → Yes, but I'm not quite sure how I imagine them. Let me ponder that.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Actually, I want to be with a lot of my friends, rather than just one. But I am interested in a certain person.
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time → Never
Do you believe in God? → Yes
Labels for this post: survey, angels, ego.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I must be stopped!
Seriously, people, I think I may have an addiction to dresses. If I had to ballpark how many dresses I have (including formal dresses) I would say 20. That is a high estimate, but it isn't far from the truth. Over winter break, I have purchased six dresses, and I almost bought another one yesterday.
I lament the American custom of instant gratification, particularly the way it manifests itself [in me]: retail therapy. I'm pretty convinced that I have it when it comes to clothing, if I have a bad week, I usually buy a new dress or pair of shoes. I don't have bad weeks that often, but the last week of finals was probably one of the worst. I think all the new dresses are just payback for not shopping for most of the semester. I also got a really sexy pair of shoes. They're pretty amazing, and you will know what I'm referring to if you see them.
I bought shoes that are undeniably sex-kittenish because I don't feel that any aspect of me is "sexy" by definition. I really think that depends on your personal opinion of what is sexy.
For me, if you like to play pranks and you're taller than me and funny and musical, then you're probably sexy. Like Jim from The Office. He is undeniably sexy.
I'm considering a prank. I don't know where or when this will happen, but it's fairly harmless, all things considered.
I think the point of this entry is to just hint at everything and drive you absolutely crazy.
Labels for this post: dresses, pranks, Jim.
I lament the American custom of instant gratification, particularly the way it manifests itself [in me]: retail therapy. I'm pretty convinced that I have it when it comes to clothing, if I have a bad week, I usually buy a new dress or pair of shoes. I don't have bad weeks that often, but the last week of finals was probably one of the worst. I think all the new dresses are just payback for not shopping for most of the semester. I also got a really sexy pair of shoes. They're pretty amazing, and you will know what I'm referring to if you see them.
I bought shoes that are undeniably sex-kittenish because I don't feel that any aspect of me is "sexy" by definition. I really think that depends on your personal opinion of what is sexy.
For me, if you like to play pranks and you're taller than me and funny and musical, then you're probably sexy. Like Jim from The Office. He is undeniably sexy.
I'm considering a prank. I don't know where or when this will happen, but it's fairly harmless, all things considered.
I think the point of this entry is to just hint at everything and drive you absolutely crazy.
Labels for this post: dresses, pranks, Jim.
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