Poisonous

If there is anything I really and truly despise about people, it is how they lie to you about important things.
Also, I hate losing anybody, ever. And it's probably the hardest thing I've ever done, is send this note to Maurice via Facebook.

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it." -Wuthering Heights

I can't be your friend anymore.
I'm sorry. But by continuing to talk to you, it only feeds this addiction I have to past feelings. So please, don't go to my party next weekend. I don't want to see you (more like I can't), and furthermore, I really cannot stand seeing you with her. It's not that I hate either of you, it is simply too painful.

Regarding what I told you last night. I feel in my heart (so cheesy) that this isn't over, while at the same time I feel that it's not for now. Maybe we will be together someday. Far into the future, when we've both had time to grow up in our different ways.
I'm still really sorry for everything I ever said or did that caused you pain or trouble or anger or love. I still miss you, a lot, and I'll always think of you as my best friend, as the only person in the world who knows me completely and still accepts me despite my many shortcomings, who can anticipate all my reactions and always knows the better route for me, even if I refuse to see it. And I'm sorry, so sorry. Every fiber of my being is wretched with apology.
I care about you, so deeply. I'm only writing so much because I'm not going to talk to you again for a long time, and I am a jabba jabba.
Thank you, for invaluable memories, among other things.
Be happy.

Even though it was really hard to send that note, I think it would be even harder to send a note to Amanda detailing exactly what a whore she is. Something to that effect, something so rude it doesn't even resemble truth. It's this terrible, heavy feeling, like hot bricks. It's not even the same as heartbreak or loneliness. I guess it's a lot easier to be angry, but I really hate being angry, it goes against my nature. Believe me, I am very patient and understanding. Honestly, I want him to be happy. Absolutely and without question: he's my very best friend.
I don't mean to take advantage of all the kindness bestowed upon me by my friends, because they're really wonderful, and I have some very happy adventures with them. They all make me laugh and they laugh at my terrible jokes and awkward stories and appreciate music and wow, they are awesome to the nth power. I don't even know what that means in mathematics.
I sort of feel like I'm going to throw up. Not a good health day, exactly.
Feel free to call me and distract me and pull me into harebrained schemes.

Labels for this post: bitches, ain't, shit.