Today is hard. Harder than yesterday, and harder than most of the other days.
I don't really know why. Well, I do, but I don't know if I should say anything.
The temptation of a massive prank grows stronger every day.
I just think that even if it would be really funny, it would definitely come back to bite me. Karma.
Anyway, I'm working on thinking positively. I'm not happy, not really. I pretend most of the time, and when I'm around people I can be my naturally upbeat self. When I'm alone, it's hard. But it's going to be hard for some time. I expect that, and I can deal with it. I'm strong.
Now, I can do what I want to do. When I leave school, I can go to Europe and visit every opera house, cathedral, museum and library. I want to write because I feel like it. I want to experience.
Fundamentally, I want to be happy. I want to be happy with most of my decisions. I want to be happy knowing that I made the right ones, and happy to know myself as a friend and not an adversary.
One of my current favorite authors, Liz Gilbert, says, "You don't want to think, 'this isn't what I want' when you're at five centimeters." (Eat, Pray, Love)
How true.
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You're a good writer.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I haven't been prying because I don't like to do that when it's not my place, but if you need to talk, I like to think I'm a pretty good listener.
Happy New Year!
This is how I was after Scott and I broke up. It gets better, and the pain will fade eventually as long as you deal with it instead of running away from it. It's hard, but you can do it.
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