Ms. New Booty

Happy New Year, everyone. I've been reading some great status updates on Facebook and Blogger about the upcoming year. I really enjoy optimism.

My personal resolution is to purchase my meat and dairy from organic/local farmers. I know it's more expensive, but I really believe it's worth it. It's so much better for your body and for the environment. Speaking of bodies, let's talk about them.

Last spring, I had a rough semester, and in response to it, I either didn't eat, or I ate a piece of cheese. I barely slept, and I walked constantly. It was incredibly unhealthy in most aspects, and I shrank down to a sickly low weight for my body. Now, I'm not advocating that the exercise was bad - in fact, that was the only healthy thing I was doing. The shadows under my eyes looked like tattoos, my boobs swam in my bras, and my legs were stilts. My fingers shrank and I could hardly play the piano. I lost my period for months. And the very worst part of all of it was that I loved it. I could sleep next to a boy in just my underwear and not worry about 'back fat'. I loved being so skinny, the way that clothes hung on me and the absence of love handles. Ironic, that I should lose both love and handles at the same time. Once, I got myself a Shimmy Shake from Sheetz (one of my favorite things) and my body literally would not process it. I think it forgot how, and I felt awful. But I still didn't eat.
I used my appearance as venom. I used it to play upon the insecurities of other people. I would feel so proud that I could pull my skinny jeans out of the dryer and onto my body and still pull them off without unbuttoning them.
It was bad.

I'm sure that a certain friend of ours who frequently comments on the weight of females has said some nasty remarks about my rediscovered curves. Probably something like, "Well, now that Jenni has a boyfriend, she's letting herself go." Haha. Yes. Because I love negative attention, and I was starving myself to get it. Clearly.

The other day, as I was getting dressed, I was looking at a birthmark on my back to make sure it wasn't trying to be funny, and I had a revelation. I love my butt.
Really, I know that society says as a woman that I'm not supposed to like being so curvy, but I was looking at it, and it's so cute! It fits the rest of me, and it has a little "booty mark" to boot. It's like the Marilyn Monroe of butts or something. I'm kidding, but really, I love it, and it makes me love the rest of me too. Maybe not all the time or in all outfits, but all the same, I know where I should be, and it's not skinny.

Labels for this post: love, of, self